Self-care essentials to carry you

through the holidays

Psychology, health, alternative therapies, massage therapy
6033 characters, 1003 words

The joys and sorrows of life are heightened during seasons of celebration and family get-togethers.
The holiday season is supposed to be a time of joy and merriment; of family and friends gathering and celebrating together. At the same time, spending time with family may cause anxiety, disappointment and anger. Unresolved conflicts, hurts and betrayals arise and resurface. We remember unresolved situations and our feelings remind us that healing is needed.

Holidays are difficult times for many people.
We hope to feel connected to, understood and loved by those around us, only to be disappointed.
Or maybe we struggle to fit in, feeling like we don’t belong, but wish we did.
We want to celebrate, but feelings of sorrow, loss and grief
require our attention and presence.

Get Centered and Grounded.
Take time to relax, meditate and quiet the noise both outside and inside your mind. Become grounded in the core or essence of who you are; bring your attention deep within and feel your soul. Book a deep relaxation massage to feel your body and release aches, pains and stresses. And experience your body’s natural endorphins, which are there to restore good feelings..

Taking this time empowers you to remember that self-worth and well-being are your responsibility. You are not dependent on anyone outside of you to feel worthwhile and significant. You have the ability to experience your value and uniqueness on your own, by going within, and reparenting that child in you who needs your support.

Staying centered while socializing with people who may trigger negative thoughts and feelings about from the past or about yourself, is possible. Instead of beating yourself up by thinking, "I am not good enough," remove yourself from their presence. You cannot change others, but you can change how you react to them and how you talk to yourself. Only loving, encouraging and supportive self-talk is allowed.

Say "No." Set Boundaries.

The holidays are often accompanied by a long list of obligations, errands and events. While these to-do lists can be fun, they can also be exhausting and emotionally draining. It’s important to know when to say “No thank you, I've had enough." Short outings are much better than running yourself into exhaustion by over-extending yourself.

Set boundaries with yourself and others on how much time you have for holiday tasks. Plan for an afternoon trip instead of an all-day excursion. Limit yourself to only one-or-two stores or one-or-two hours. Don’t forget to take breaks and recharge. Then activities with friends or family may be fun, instead of energy draining. Your goal is to feel energetic and upbeat at the end of an outing. Monitor your energy level, and when it begins to fade, tell them you need a break because your energy is fading, and will contact them later.

Set limits to your social interactions during the holidays.
Invest your time and energy in relationships with people who return positive energy and do not drain you of it.

You need not attend every event you are invited to. If necessary, protect yourself by declining an invitation. A brief phone call to express your apologies and to wish them a happy holiday season offers limited engagement and a thoughtful exit.

Set Realistic Expectations.

It’s natural to have high expectations of the holiday season; everywhere we look, we’re reminded that this is a time for family, joy and abundance. However, it’s equally important to check in with ourselves about managing our hopes and expectations.

Setting unrealistic expectations for people and events leads to disappointment. Having no expectations is equally unrealistic and conveys that others don’t need to think about you, which may lead to disappointment. An honest and open appraisal of how people have treated you helps to predict how they will treat you in the future. Avoid false hopes like, "This time will be different!" because if nothing has changed, nothing changes.

Avoid Known Triggers.

For some, the holidays are a time of painful reminders. If you find yourself triggered by certain activities or interactions, do your best to replace them with new and emotionally fulfilling ones. If certain holiday activities like — watching the Sound of Music with Julie Andrews on television, or baking Christmas cookies and decorating them with coloured icing and sparkles — remind you of a time before the loss of loved ones, replace it with a new activity. Attend a New Year's Eve candlelight service at a church, or join a group to do a year-end review and plan your goals and dreams for the upcoming year.

If a difficult relative or acquaintance is expected to be at a holiday event, do you really need to be there? If you do, don’t actively engage with that person. Drop by for a brief, "Hello!" rather than attending the full event.

Giving Back, Helping Others.

Giving back and helping others during the holidays is an excellent way to make a positive contribution, and experience a sense of purpose and meaning.

Support people who also find the holidays...bittersweet. Donate time to a local food bank. Volunteer to serve Christmas dinner at a homeless shelter. Join a Christmas Eve choir that travels to senior's homes or the incarcerated, to spread holiday joy and warmth.

By helping others, you help yourself.
Recognize you are not alone in feeling emotionally tender and fragile.
The child within us never grows up entirely, allowing us as adults
to keep our sensitivity and humanity. No matter one's age,
we all need to feel appreciated.

Taking responsibility for the child within you (your emotional self), results in self-empowerment. You are no longer a victim of life's cruelties; you rise to the role of the hero who nurtures oneself like a loving parent nurtures their child. Paradoxically, by giving yourself the gift of self-care, you have more love to share.

That, I believe, is the true spirit and meaning of this holiday season.